I know churches can hurt a ministry family. I've seen it and heard even more.
But I am not a victim.
I didn't say I hadn't been hurt. I just said (and typed) that I am not a victim.
There is so much good in the church family and its designed relationship to the pastor's family. We are all on the same team! They are an extension of my household, though this requires so much more vulnerability than I feel I can give at times. But that's where God steps in.
He reminds me of the bountiful blessings that are especially given to me and my family through our special calling in our church. Let me share them with you. Let them be the fuzzy, familiar slippers you put your tired feet in after Sunday's last postlude. Taste them like the breakfast at 10:30 on Monday after sleeping in after Sunday's final foyer goodbye. Hear them like the sounds of your husband snoring peacefully after one more divinely inspired sermon.
- There are people especially praying for you and your family on a regular basis. God calls these people, and they are powerful. Know I'm praying for you, though I don't know your name, but I know you - I am you. Not exactly, but pretty close I betcha.
- Many people have great intentions about helping your family... sometimes too great I know, and sometimes the intentions can even hurt when offered in the wrong way. But your church called your husband, so they want to take care of you.
- Your church can be your family, with all the positives and negatives that come along with any family. Especially when you're far away from your own biological family, this spiritual family is oh so vital. When you need to call on someone, call on them.
- It takes a village to raise a child? No, it takes a church family. They can help give so much extra love and attention to your children. They can provide so many godly examples to them. They can help you creatively train them up in the way of the Lord.
- Schedules can usually be flexible for a pastor, allowing the family to spend time together in experiences that would not be open to other families. We take Mondays as "Daddy Day" and go wherever we want, with no waiting in lines! Time is precious and should be used!
- If there are people among the flock who seem to be attacking you or your family, it is because they are themselves hurting. A wounded creature attacks. Don't be a victim, but open your heart to the wounded creature and respond with love and prayer.
- Your faults open to the family of God will show that any old sinner can be a child of God. And even better - your repentance can show that a sinner, picked up by God's forgiveness, can be used by God to glorify Him. Don't live in a glass house, but a glass life. Reflect Him.
- God loves you and has called you to His perfect plan... whatever that is for you. NOT whatever that is for others. Do what He expects, and help others to do the same. Keep your focus on your Father in Heaven, who sings over you with love. Zeph 3:17
5 comments:
Hi! I think you've got some good things to say in your post, altho I don't agree with all of them. Altho people who 'hurt'you are wounded, and yes we have to love them, I think that boundaries are really important - especially around our children. Too many people feel they have the right to speak into lives of a pastoral family, and that can really end up hurting those kids. I tell our church that my husband and I were called to lead the church - not our children - they are just 'kids', like any one else's kids and need to given the same freedom and grace to just 'be'. It has helped alot....but there are still some who feel they need to 'tell' the pastor's kids how they should behave and what they're doing wrong. Plus..I feel boundaries need to be more implemented around pastors and their families. Yes, we are called to pastor them, and love on them - but we are human too and have our limits. Just curious...how long have you andyour hubby been pastoring??
My name is Susan. I am from Louisiana. My husband and I recently left a church where we have been for 2 and one-half years and one we loved dearly. Thanks so much for your post. It spoke directly to my heart. Like a woman when she has a baby, my hubby and I feel like we have been through labor with this church. And also like that new mother, we are going to forget the pain and move on to the new baby God has for us. Painful things have happened and our children were saddened by it as well. Please keep us in your prayers. Thanks.
Susan
Hey Girl...thanks for posting on my blog...but why aren't you writing more?? YOu should..these are things we need to be sharing and discussing! Ministry can be the best of times, and the worst of times. As I shared with someone else..the key is tho, to remember that Jesus poured into the 'Church' when He was on earth, and in the end they betrayed him, and let the 'trouble makers' have their way...but ultimately, He won! What He poured in...and poured out...brought forth fruit! But the thing that encourages me, is that He didn't really see that fruit while He was here on earth...the church acutally grew, after He left.
Oh..and the boundary things about the kids...well, to be honest, when we took over the church, the first month, we stood up front and shared about expectations and boundaries. We told the church then, ( our kids were in SundaySchool), that they needed to remember that WE were pastoring the church, not our children. To me, that was the best way, eye to eye....standing there in flesh..speaking it in love. It focused them on what was important, and took all the pressure off our kids! ( Altho there still was that one or two, that regardless, just had to make comments to our girls and being 'the pastors daughters who should know better.') Our mistake with that, was not phoning them, and nipping that in the bud! That was a spirit of criticism, manipulation and intimidation, at work . We remind our church, as often as possible of our boundaries - in love - and it helps! A
Anyways...keep blogging!!
I really needed to read this today! I also want to hear more from you! I was disappointed this is your one and only post:-) Thank you...b/c right now...I'm afraid I am dwelling a bit much on the negative minority...instead of the blessings of so many in our church family!
I just came across this blog. I really appreciate your heart to point out positive things about ministry. Thanks.
Post a Comment